9 Basic Ways to Support Youth Rights as a Non-Parent

1.

If you’re staying with kids or minor adults* in an area where stores are not within walking distance, ask “Does anyone want to come with me and keep me company?” when you go to the store. As you walk through the aisles, ask them if there’s anything they need, particularly when you’re by the period products and other personal hygiene and grooming items. Our culture packs a double whammy of

• instilling lots of embarrassment around these products
• making it such that minors often have no choice but to ask their parents to buy those products for them.

It is common for minors to go without necessities because their parents have not earned their trust, and can’t safely be asked for products. You can also say things like, “Do you need anything from this aisle? Grab it if you do,” and keep on walking, if you think they might appreciate a little more privacy.

2.

If you work in a job or attend events where you refer to people as sir or ma’am, refer that way to all people older than very small children. As with any other honorific, err on the side of overestimating someone rather than underestimating.

3.

Similarly, preteens and teenagers (at least) are men and women, not boys and girls. Just as you might refer to your aunt as “my Aunt Carolyn” rather than simply “Carolyn,” it is respectful to accurately convey someone’s rightful position within the community. Adults should be referred to as adults.

4.

Don’t use kids as free servants just because they’re kids. Making them fetch the remote or bring you a snack because they are younger may be relatively harmless, but they’ll notice and appreciate it if you refrain from exerting power over them just because you can.

5.

When it comes to violations of the rights of the child, churches and small-town community gathering spots are hotbeds for “that doesn’t happen here”-style thinking and cognitive dissonance. Print anti-corporal punishment posters with hotlines that are designed for the kids themselves to call, NOT just concerned benevolent adults, and put them up in these areas. Here’s a national one. (I don’t love the design; you might be able to find something more subtle/encouraging from your local org.)

6.

Tell kids and minor adults that you support Sixteen to Vote, if you do. Tell them you consider preteens and teenagers to be adults, if you do. Minors are often trained and gaslit into feeling like asserting their maturity is itself a sign of immaturity. Hearing even one major adult come out as pro youth rights can make a huge difference.

7.

Tell kids and minor adults the truth about your opinions. If you tend to talk about politics or religion or philosophy or relationships or other “deep” topics with your peers, talk about those topics with the kids and minor adults who show interest, and don’t warp your thoughts to be more conventional or “kid-friendly.” Don’t pretend like you agree with them when you don’t; speak to kids and minor adults like anyone else. As a former kid — we can tell when you’re dumbing it down. Let us actually engage with you in conversation.

8.

It should go without saying, but never pressure kids or minor adults to hug you or give other physical affection they don’t want. Speak up if you see major adults pressuring minor adults or kids into unwanted affection. If you attend holiday gatherings where minors have previously been pressured (common at family affairs), practice saying, “I don’t think he/she wants a hug.” When you use the phrase, say it multiple times if necessary. Say it louder each time, until it sticks. You have a level of safety from retaliation that minors don’t.

9.

Make sure the minors you’re close to have your phone number/snapchat/other social media, so they have a way to contact a sympathetic major adult if they ever need it, and be mindful that parents frequently have screen-recording devices and other spyware on their kids’ phones/computers. This stuff can be well-hidden and unknown to the minor themselves. Use caution and your knowledge of the particular situation to avoid getting them in trouble when you talk remotely.

*I use the phrase “minor adult” to refer to anyone who should rightfully be considered an adult, but has not yet reached the age of eighteen, so is disenfranchised. This includes preteens and up by default, though it varies by individual. Like I mentioned previously, as with any other honorific or rights-relevant distinction, err on the side of overestimating someone rather than underestimating.